What Did He Say?

The Simple Life
Robin Hoselton

When my husband, Tom, and I moved from the city to the country, I had to adjust to the complex, alien, and rigorous aspects of the “simple” life.

A Whole New Language

My first obstacle to overcome was the language barrier. Since the natives in my adopted state spoke a different tongue, I felt like an immigrant from foreign shores and found it difficult to converse without an interpreter present. Consider the following dialogue:

Farmer: “Mornin’. I’m Billy Paul Grover, your neighbor. Jest stopped by to say hello. Figured you’d be up now since it’s straight up eight.”

Me: (Wondering: What’s he mean–‘straight up eight’?)

Tom: “Oh, it’s nice to meet you. Won’t you c me in?”

Farmer: “Naw, I don’t have my slippers on and these boots are a mite muddy. I know MY wife would be purty choicy ‘bout that.”

Me: (Staring at his boots which are very muddy. Why would he want his bedroom slippers and what’s a ‘choicy’ wife?)

Farmer: “She’d a-come but she’s been stove up of a mornin’ so she sent this cake for you to piece on.”

Me: (She couldn’t come because she’s busy with the stove and we’re supposed to take a piece of the cake?)

Tom: “Well, that’s certainly appreciated. Just where do you live?”

Farmer: “Five mile down the road this-away. I got the crick by the waar.”

Me: (Why does he say ‘this-away’ and point over there? Poor man, I’m sorry he’s got a crick in his neck but what war did he get it in? Must be a local feud going on around here.)

Farmer: “Well, you must be tarred fr’ movin’ in. I don’t hold with keeping folks too long. Nice to meet you.” (Probably thinking: Sure is a quiet woman, either shy or uppity. Wonder why she kept staring at my shoes and my neck like that.)

Me: (Tarred? Like tar and feathers? Because we moved in here? But they won’t hold us in it too long? And he left the whole cake here. Weren’t we supposed to cut a piece of it?)

When Tom translated all this for me, I learned that: Straight up eight = eight o’clock sharp, slippers = dress shoes, choicy = fussy, stove up = incapacitated, piece on = snack, crick = creek, waar = wire, tarred = tired, and don’t hold with = don’t believe in.

Another embarrassing language incident involved my misconception of Missouri swine. While realtors took us about the countryside, showing us various farms for sale, they kept making references to brush hogs. Comments like: “That farmer has a new brush hog sitting in the pasture,” or “Three weeks with a brush hog and this place would clean up real good.”

Now Tom had told me earlier that his mother kept goats on her farm to keep the brush cleared off, so naturally I assumed a brush hog must be some kind of pig. I didn’t find out differently until Tom decided to buy one and I asked where we would build the pen for the critter!

Tagged a whole new language, farm life, farmer talk, Missouri swine, simple, The Simple Life, whole new language