Narcissism, What it is and Top 3 Ways to Work with a Narcissist

Top Three Tips on How to Live and Work with a Narcissist
Ernie Hooker, CADC II, NCAC II

Q:  Ernie, what can you tell me about dealing with Narcissists?

A: Obviously, without being able to test or assess the person or know the specific situation I can only give you a very general idea.

Most of the time when dealing with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) there is only mild to moderate impairment and the person is more or less functional. This can be complicated by other features or sometimes it can be confused with histrionic personality disorder.

Histrionic Personality Disorder

Includes constant seeking of reassurance or approval, excessive dramatics with exaggerated displays of emotions, excessive sensitivity to criticism or disapproval, inappropriatelyseductive appearance or behavior, excessive concern with physical appearance, a need to be the center of attention, low tolerance for frustration and/or delayed gratification, and/or rapidly shifting emotional states that may appear shallow to others. The histrionic is a bottomless pit for attention with little or no ability for insight or empathy with others.

The Narcissist

The narcissist is marked by grandiosity, arrogance, inflated sense of self, easily hurt, entitlement, and fragile sense of self. With mild or moderate NPD it may be disguised most of the time; however, severe NPD definitely requires a psychologist or psychiatrist and is unmistakable. A severe case of NPD is relatively rare.

Talented at Getting What They Want from Others

They are prone to surrounding themselves with people that won’t threaten their self-esteem. It is not unusual for them to manipulate others for their personal reasons and they often can do this with great skill.

The Princess

One of the interesting things I have noticed with women who have mild narcissistic symptoms is how frequently they are called a princess.

 

Addiction Issues

If the person has an addiction problem, it certainly will put a fine edge on the NPD symptoms.  And, other medical problems can also make the situation more extreme.

Top Three Ways of Working with a Narcissist

1.  Confrontation Gets You Written Off

Confronting a narcissist is not usually a good idea. It threatens their fragile sense of self; frequently, they just write you off and will have little or nothing to do with you.

Direct negative confrontation often results in the narcissist blaming others, hostility, and a complete detachment from the person who is doing the confronting. In a few cases, it may result in a rage if it threatens them sufficiently. Typically, they are not usually prone to violence.

2.  Don’t Micromanage for a Good Employee

Often, I have known of situations where people with mild symptoms of NPD have been excellent employees.  The supervisor needs to understand the personality and not micromanage them. If the person with NPD is approached with the attitude that they know their job, and they only need to know what job needs to done, often you will find they do well.

When the person affected with NPD has good abilities, they will judge themselves to have outstanding abilities and in most cases to indulge this thought is harmless.

3.  The Golden Rule

So, if you need to get along with a person who has this problem, treat them with respect, notice and acknowledge their positive behavior, and avoid direct confrontation.  Also, do not give them unsolicited advice. In most cases if you do give them advice, it requires diplomacy.

I hope this helps. If you have additional questions let me know.

For questions on mental illness, drug addiction and/or alcoholism, contact Ernie Hooker and he will give you common sense answers.

Tagged addiction, alcoholism, Ernie Hooker CADC II NADC II, narcissism, narcissistic, Nick Nolte mug shot, the golden rule, Three Tips in Dealing with Narcissists