Beer Often isn’t Safe or Socially Acceptable at All

Straight Talk about Drugs
Katherine Ketcham

Here’s a question for you: What alcoholic beverage accounts for more than two-thirds of the total alcohol consumed in the United States?

And the answer is…BEER.

Maybe that explains the popularity of “The Buffalo Theory,” which recently made the rounds on e-mail.  Here’s how it goes.

Cliff Clavin on the TV series Cheers sat belly up to the bar with his friend Norm  “Well ya see, Norm, it’s like this,” Cliff began.

“A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo.  And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.  This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

“In much the same way,” Cliff continued, “the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.  Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells.  But naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

“That’s why,” Cliff concluded, “you always feel smarter after a few beers.”

That’s cute.  It makes me laugh.

But then I look at the statistics, and they sober me up, fast.

Did You Know that

 

• More than 40 percent of 12th-grade students drink beer regularly, at least once a month.
• 25 percent of 12th-graders say they get very high or bombed when drinking beer.
• Nearly 73 percent of 12th-graders say beer is fairly easy or very easy to get.
• Underage drinkers consume 11 billion cans of beer every year.
• Nearly 60 percent of males between the ages of 12 and 20 who drink alcohol say beer is their beverage of choice.
• Beer accounts for 67 percent of the total alcohol consumed in the U.S. and 81 percent of all the alcohol that is consumed in ‘hazardous amounts’ in this country.
• A 12-ounce beer contains as much alcohol as 5 ounces of 80 proof whiskey or gin.

Researchers tell us that beer is a bigger problem than both wine and distilled spirits like whiskey, vodka, or gin because most people consider beer both socially acceptable and safe to drink.

Safe?  Socially acceptable?  A Sports Illustrated survey found that 100 percent of spectators at sporting events witnessed at least one of the following behaviors as a result of drinking alcohol–yelling obscenities, racial slurs, abusive sexual remarks to women, fistfights between strangers, fights between friends, having beer accidentaly or purposely spilled on them, vomiting in a nearby seat or urinating in the aisles, indecent exposure, and being spit on by someone who was intoxicated.

Guess what alcoholic beverage most people drink while watching baseball, football, hockey or soccer games?

Speaking of socially acceptable, have you seen the bumper sticker: BEER: Helping Ugly People Have Sex Since 1862?

Which brings to mind another fascinating statistic.  According to researchers at the Centers for Disease Control, a beer tax increase of 20 cents per 6-pack would reduce gonorrhea rates by 8.9 percent and syphilis rates by 32.7 percent.

Why?  Because raising taxes on alcoholic beverages is proven to reduce consumption–especially among adolescents, who are considered ‘price sensitive’–and reduced consumption usually means that we make wiser choices.

Here’s another statistic: the estimated annual cost of alcohol-related sexually-transmitted diseases (STDs) in the U.S. is $556 million.

Let’s see–if beer accounts for 67 percent of the total alcohol consumed in the U.S., then beer’s tab for STDs is about $372 million plus change.

I know, I know–right now, you’re dreaming of summer time, the lazy and definitely hazy time of beer and barbecues, beer and baseball, cold beer after a long hot day.

And, I like beer.  I really do.  It’s just that beer is not harmless.  Beer is alcohol, and alcohol is a drug.  People drunk on beer do stupid things like drive cars and get in fights and have sex with strangers.  Guzzling only beer, people can also drink themselves (slowly, most of the time, I’ll admit) to death.

But, I agree that we need to have a sense of humor about these things.  “Lighten up,” the kids are always saying.  So, I’ll end with a quote from one of our country’s favorite cartoon characters, who gives us yet another variation on the Buffalo Theory.

“All right, brain,” says Homer Simpson.  “I don’t like you and you don’t like me.  So let’s just do this, and I’ll get back to killing you with beer.”

Kathy Ketcham’s column appears monthly.  She has co-authored 18 books, nine on the subject of drug addiction and recovery.  She also works part time at the Juvenile Justice Center and volunteers at Paine School.  Readers can contact her through LivingLifeBoomerStyle@gmail.com.