Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
~Milton Berle
Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.
~Bill Maher
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
~Zsa Zsa Gabor
I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell this to my children they just about throw up.
~Barbara Bush
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
~Rita Rudner
You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither!
~Drew Carey
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
~George Carlin
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
~Socrates
In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice that still continues.
~Helen Rowland