Togetherness Fiasco

“Are you a birder?” “No, I’m a Presbyterian.”

The gentleman at the Audubon Society meeting politely smiled at my wisecracking husband.

“My name is Bob Wilson and it’s my pleasure to welcome new members.” After we introduced ourselves, he asked, “How did you hear about us?”

“I saw your notice in the paper,” I answered, “and we thought it might be fun to check out something new.”

At the word ‘we,’ my husband grimaced but didn’t reveal that I had to drag him to this meeting. Anything outdoors is anathema to him. He’d rather hibernate inside on a comfy couch listening to jazz.

Mr. Wilson nodded. “You’ve picked a good hobby. Birding is fun, educational, and inexpensive. And you’ll meet some great people.”

Back home I studied all the free brochures and handouts I’d gathered at the meeting. I waited until Dear Husband (DH) was in an especially good mood to suggest shopping for our new hobby products. I could have gone myself but wanted to whet his interest by involving him in purchase decisions.

The first item on my list was a feeder. In the store, DH picked up the first one he saw and said, “Okay, we got it, shall we go?”

I shook my head. “We can’t get that one.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s plastic and it’ll crack in the freezing weather. Here’s a nice cedar one.

He looked at the price tag. “But it costs three times more.”

“You have to pay for quality. Besides, it’ll last a lifetime. Now we need to get seed.”

He grabbed the nearest bag. “Here’s some.”

“No, not that kind. It’s mostly millet and it will just be wasted. We need a mix with a lot of black oil sunflower to attract a variety of birds. Didn’t you pay attention to the slide show at the meeting?”

After I picked up the appropriate seed bag and thrust it at him to hold along with the feeder, I said “Now we need suet and a suet holder.”

He quit protesting and resigned himself to trudging along the aisles behind me.

“Let’s see, here’s a plain suet block, one with peanuts and one with orange bits. We’ll get one of each. That way we can see which one they like best. Now, I know it’s too early yet, but, since we’re here, we may as well get a hummingbird feeder, a finch feeder and Niger seed. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a platform feeder that we can use just for safflower seed for the cardinals?”

I turned to DH. “Do you think we should get a couple of shepherd’s crooks since our trees aren’t big enough yet to hang these? Oh look, here’s one of those field guides they recommended at the meeting. We definitely need that.”

Dear Husband’s eyes glazed. His mental calculator for this inexpensive hobby totaled $128 and we hadn’t even looked at a bird bath yet.

Although bird watching proved to be a lifelong pleasure for me, it hasn’t intrigued him one iota. While I get my jollies spotting a brown thrasher, he’s content to lounge on the sofa listening to Dave Brubeck.

That’s okay with me. Our diverse pastimes make our marriage more interesting. Besides, I don’t have to share the binoculars!